My Writing

Thursday, May 26, 2016

False Advertising?

Photographs can be deceiving. When I choose what I'm going to put out there for the world to see, of course I'm going to choose photos that highlight my best attributes and make me look my best in every way. There are some pretty sneaky ways to hide what I don't like. And I can use props and clothing to aid in the artistic presentation of my best possible self, be that my body or my face.

This can become a problem.

For example...if I'm looking for a "date" online, all I've got to go by are your words and your pictures. Now, I understand, this is a sales pitch, so you're going to provide me your best pictures. That being said, if all you have are pictures of your dick, you're either super proud of it, or....you're hiding something....or both.

I understand not showing your face...I don't either...that has to be dealt with at some point before we meet, though - just sayin'. And even after that, I may not "feel it" in person.

As for your body? It's only fair that you represent it accurately. This isn't about being superficial. This is about attraction, and while it's possible for me to be attracted to someone I don't immediately find hot, there's going to have to be some serious chemistry. What you weigh doesn't really matter. I'm okay with a realistic body. But don't show pictures from 15 years ago and then end up being the 100-pound-heavier version when I see you in person and then wonder why I'm being so shallow. I'll do you the same courtesy.

Besides, I'm married to a guy I already find hot. I'm already having sex on a regular basis. I have an outlet, so this is purely supplemental. That means I have a lot of room to be choosy.

I actually think men are better at being honest about their appearance. Women are pretty terrible about their photos on "dating" sites. For all the unfair press guys get about their dick pics, women are almost as bad with their tits. I have them...I know what they look like already. And yours? Well, okay - they might be nice, but what else you got? Oh...your ass? Yes, I have one of those, too. I know a lot of guys love to comment on these pictures, and I post quite a few of them because of that....but....

I'll need a bit more than tits and ass and dicks to find you inspiring enough to contact.

That's where we fall back on words, which can be just as, if not more, deceiving. I'm not saying I need your life story and all your secrets up front, but at least represent yourself honestly enough that I get a picture of who you are and what you like to do in life. How am I supposed to know if we're compatible if all you say is that you're looking for like-minded people to hang out with? Duh.

What about your interests? Your hobbies? Your sexual desires? What you're seeking in a relationship?

I'm just growing so disenchanted with the whole process. I really and truly don't see the joy in working this hard simply to create more drama in my life. Because that is what it always ends up being.

Part of the problem is that it's not just me in this game. There's my husband. And the other person's significant other (if he or she has one). Trying to get 4 people on the same page...with chemistry...and calendars....? Yeah, that's hard shit right there.

Anyhow, being involved in this whole online dating business - well, it has encouraged me to fix in my own profile all the things that annoy me in others.

I'm almost 40. I've got lumps and rolls and stretch marks and cellulite. I'm moody as fuck, and I get jealous. But I like sex. And if you can get past all my shit, I'm worth it. Really.

If you can't see that...or don't want to...that's okay. I'm cool with it. But, I'm going to do my best to represent myself accurately in my profiles and writing. This is who I am...flaws and all.

The irony is... I actually met my husband online, and the photo I had posted as my profile pic wasn't my best, but it was what I had at the time (pre-selfie years, so uploading photos meant physically cropping and then scanning a picture in). I didn't have a scanner in my apartment, so I had to use a photo I already had on CD...my senior picture. At the time, I was 28...so I was using a 10 year old picture. Bad form. Yes. And here I was thinking it was a decent representation of, at least, my face. Funny thing is, my husband didn't even like the picture. But, he contacted me anyway since so few people in our age bracket were even available.

We ended up together, at the time, because we were the only people under the age of forty on the local personals site.

Oddly enough...it worked out, because our profiles themselves, and our subsequent online conversations, divulged that we were actually pretty compatible. And we were honest about who we were and what we wanted.

Online dating is tough. But for those of us in small towns, it can be one of the only ways to branch out.

I've just never really been a fan of dating anyway. So, doing it when I don't have to just adds a whole new level of "WTF?" And yes, I question myself often. Why am I doing this? Is it for Him? What am I getting out of this? Other than stress and disappointment?

Good questions, really...for another night.





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