My Writing

Saturday, April 23, 2016

My husband is not always right...

As I've mentioned, I'm currently taking Julie N. Gordon's online course called Wife School. She's a Christian marriage & family counselor and wrote the book of the same name. Now, as stated before, I can glean a lot from religious submission - the lessons it teaches and some of its goals.

In week 9's lesson (Gordon sends emails each Thursday packed with essays and reflection questions related to the premises in her book), she describes a woman who disagrees with her husband about something having to do with their children. The couple goes to a Christian counselor who ultimately tells her that she'll simply have to defer to her husband's decision. The counselor had said, "When couples try and try, and can't reahc an agreement, ultimately, the wife must submit." Gordon explains that the woman (a friend of hers) hated that. But that Gordon, herself, understood. She writes, "Submission does not get easier as the years go on. You will wrestle with this Biblical premise until the day you die. But since my friend truly loved the Lord, she responded well. This was about my friend and her spiritual walk with the Lord. It wasn't about her realizing her husband was right. It was about her seeing her husband's right to make final decisions, even if she disagreed."

I'm not saying submission is always easy. In fact, for me, it's sometimes rather difficult. In some ways, it's against my nature (I was raised to be independent and rather argumentative); but in other ways, it's my very essence...a soul need.

My railing against submission is a personal battle, not a religious one. And doing something "just because he says to do it" is often a key part of submission. BUT, if I truly disagreed, even if I submitted, it would be important for me to voice my disagreement and my reasons for it. By not doing so, resentment can take over. And being submissive isn't about martyrdom. It isn't about silencing yourself. It's about communication and respect and choice. Sure, I defer to his opinion. But, that doesn't make him a god. And I don't defer because of God. This isn't about my spiritual walk with the Lord...it's about my spiritual walk with myself and my husband. It's learning to truly connect in a harmonious and balanced way...at soul-depth. I don't think my husband has some sort of natural born right to make final decisions...or that he is smarter than me. I've simply made the choice to have him at the head of our family.

Having my husband lead makes me feel safe and protected. I trust him...and believe me, submission of any type is an act of trust...an act of personal faith in another being. Dominance is also an act of trust and faith...that this person who has entrusted you with their submission will always be there.






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