As I've mentioned, I'm currently taking Julie N. Gordon's online course called Wife School. She's a Christian marriage & family counselor and wrote the book of the same name. Now, as stated before, I can glean a lot from religious submission - the lessons it teaches and some of its goals.
week 9's lesson (Gordon sends emails each Thursday packed with essays
and reflection questions related to the premises in her book), she
describes a woman who disagrees with her husband about something having
to do with their children. The couple goes to a Christian counselor who
ultimately tells her that she'll simply have to defer to her husband's
decision. The counselor had said, "When couples try and try, and can't
reahc an agreement, ultimately, the wife must submit." Gordon explains
that the woman (a friend of hers) hated that. But that Gordon, herself,
understood. She writes, "Submission does not get easier as the years go
on. You will wrestle with this Biblical premise until the day you die.
But since my friend truly loved the Lord, she responded well. This was
about my friend and her spiritual walk with the Lord. It wasn't about
her realizing her husband was right. It was about her seeing her
husband's right to make final decisions, even if she disagreed."
not saying submission is always easy. In fact, for me, it's sometimes
rather difficult. In some ways, it's against my nature (I was raised to
be independent and rather argumentative); but in other ways, it's my
very essence...a soul need.
against submission is a personal battle, not a religious one. And doing
something "just because he says to do it" is often a key part of
submission. BUT, if I truly disagreed, even if I submitted, it would be
important for me to voice my disagreement and my reasons for it. By not
doing so, resentment can take over. And being submissive isn't about
martyrdom. It isn't about silencing yourself. It's about communication
and respect and choice. Sure, I defer to his opinion. But, that doesn't
make him a god. And I don't defer because of God. This isn't about my
spiritual walk with the Lord...it's about my spiritual walk with myself
and my husband. It's learning to truly connect in a harmonious and
balanced way...at soul-depth. I don't think my husband has some sort of
natural born right to make final decisions...or that he is smarter than me. I've simply made the choice to have him at the head of our family.
my husband lead makes me feel safe and protected. I trust him...and
believe me, submission of any type is an act of trust...an act of
personal faith in another being. Dominance is also an act of trust and
faith...that this person who has entrusted you with their submission
will always be there.